Eli Rallo is the rare TikToker where watching hours of her videos doesn’t feel like a doomscroll. She is a self-proclaimed opinionated eldest daughter, and whether or not you read her first book, “I Didn't Know I Needed This,” you’re going to be obsessed with her new one. 

“Does Anyone Else Feel This Way?” is comforting and relatable, but also pushes us to grow through accepting that where we’re at is exactly where we need to be. It’s totally giftable to a close friend, but we’ll be sneaking it into our own stockings. 

We’ve always wanted our own personalized wisdom from Eli, so we’re so excited she joined us for Ask Sunnie this month! 

How do I stop feeling behind in life even though I am in a much better place than I ever imagined for myself at this age?

I was 25 when I heard my ex was engaged. I was dating someone new (as of a week prior), and I was visiting California for the first time in my life for work. I was in an exciting period of change, and I was on the edge of feeling happy, but it was the first time I remember asking myself if I was making some kind of wrong choice. It was the first time I remember wondering if I was behind other people my age. I was in a quarter-life crisis, and I wanted direction. I wanted someone to tell me I was doing the right thing. I wanted guidance. I felt behind others and then felt guilty for feeling behind. 

Now, I’m 26, and sometimes I still feel like I’m behind. But I’ve accepted that sometimes the only plan you’ll have — for your whole life — is what you’re doing later that night. And that’s enough. Life is all one foot in front of the other, after all. 

In order to stop feeling behind in life, you have to stop viewing life as a race where you’re competing with other people. The only real competition is you. Nobody’s going to have your stats. Nobody’s keeping a running list of what milestones you hit at what age. None of that actually matters.

You might want things like marriage, having a baby one day, or buying a house, but there’s no set time for any of it. Life isn’t a race to be won. It’s not a competition or a contest. You’re on your own path. You have to stop worrying so much about how others perceive your milestones and start centering your own opinion on them, which, honestly, it sounds like you already have a pretty solid handle on. 

If you’re going to be thinking about everything the future may hold, have a fun time with it instead of letting it make you feel like you’re not caught up. For me, the best part of being thirteen was imagining what life would be like when I was seventeen and had a set of car keys with multicolored, jingly key chains like the older girl who lived next door. The best part of being seventeen was imagining what life would be like when I was twenty-one and about to graduate from college.

Having a plan is overrated. Have an idea, have an inkling, have a sketch or a draft you wrote in pencil — but be brave enough to leave it all up to interpretation, to be surprised, to play Mad Libs with your next step and let the blanks fill themselves as you go.

I am so young, and I am so much older than I was when I was at thirteen. We learn more as we get older, but we also realize we know less than we did yesterday, somehow. That’s a good thing. 

Eli Rallo is the author of I Didn’t Know I Needed This and an internet creator with massive followings on TikTok and Instagram. She is the founder of Prose Hoes Literary Salon, the previous host of the Miss Congeniality podcast, and a graduate of Columbia University’s Graduate School of Journalism and the University of Michigan School of Music, Theatre & Dance. When she isn’t writing or TikTok-ing, you can find her at piano bars in the Village belting out show tunes.